im receiving all the love and birthday wishes from my friends today.

this year's wishes seemed different. everyone's asking me to stay happy, be happy,as long as im happy, to dont think too much and the we are all worried about you.

it's got me thinking... am i really not okay? is it so apparent that im not happy?

i thought i was doing well, i thought i was doing okay and still going about my life normally. apparently not.

then what should i do? i thought i was unhappy in the relationship. i thought i wanted out. from the moment i asked for a timeout, i knew it wouldnt be easy. i knew it wouldnt be easy to just up and go from a 3 year plus relationship, especially since it's considered to be going quite well. i also knew that what me and him had was something quite special, the level of comfort and support we have. so why did i choose to give it all up, i dont know.

i swear, it knew it wouldn't be easy. but i didnt know it would be this fucking hard.